Top Eight Ways to Spell / Misspell Chanukah – Thursday’s Top Ten List

Created by Matthew J. Goldberg, tipofthegoldberg.com

I hope that everyone is enjoying a great second day of Chanukah, or is it Hanukkah? Which reminds me:  What is the preferable way to spell Chanukah (or Hanukkah) and are we limited to these two options?  If so, then why?

You say po-ta-to, and I say latke.

Let us start with the indisputable. We know that Chanukah can be defined as dedication (or rededication or induction) because following the Maccabees’ miraculous victory over the Greek army, they rededicated the Holy Temple and its altar—which had been desecrated by its invaders.

We also know how Chanukah (okay, I’ve given away my own preferred spelling) is spelled in Hebrew, and there are at least two acceptable ways to transliterate it to English. Having acknowledged this, I am sure that we’ve all seen other variations for the Festival of Lights, so why not be a little creative?

In honor of Chanukah, instead of a Top 10 List, I present the Top Eight Ways to Spell (or Misspell) Chanukah, as the case may be. For a change, I will present this list in descending order of preference, partly because you already know my number one answer.

Agree or disagree, please accept my wishes for a beautiful holiday. May your light(s) shine brightly and may all of us appreciate the blessings and miracles we receive each day.

1. THE CLASSIC – CHANUKAH

Since Chanukah starts with the Hebrew letter chet ( ח ), it is only logical to start Chanukah with a “Ch” and by “ch” I mean to pretend like you’re going to expectorate or give one of those exaggerated, sinister laughs.  But, when you do it seamlessly, it’s a beautiful soundwell, almost. And Chanukah has eight letters, just as Chanukah has eight joyous nights.

2. THE SINGLE-K MODERN – HANUKAH

I’m not a fan of the spelling that will occupy the Number Four position—please bear with me for a moment. So, if you’re not going to recognize the “chet”, why is it preferable to add that second k? This spelling looks fine once you get past that first “C”.

3. THE STREAMLINED – HANUKA

Do we really need that final “h”? You know, it doesn’t look that bad with only six letters, does it?

4. THE NEO-KKLASSIC – HANUKKAH

The best thing about Hanukkah is its eight-letter approach. This may be the most prevalent spelling of the holiday, and I’ve almost gotten used to it. But again, why the double k?  (At least, there aren’t three of them in a row.)

5. THE POST-MODERN MULTI-TASKER – H’AN’H

In our haste and haze of daily living, we often do not take the time to fully enunciate each word as it should be. But as long as it is preceded by a “happy,” a H’an’h is not too bad of an approximation. It’s short, sweet and inoffensive, as in “Happy H’an’h—um, gotta run.”

6. THE DISTRACTED MATERIALISTIC – HI-NEWCAR?

Happy Hi-Newcar?

This one may not be in heavy rotation in these economic times, but this interpretation is a cautionary tale of sorts about our busy, consumer-driven ways. I guess the response (if received in person) would be, “Yes, I got a great deal.  You should talk to Marty over at _____.”

Point of Etiquette:  If you ever receive a Happy Hi-Newcar? by email, you are only required to give an auto-response. Moving on…

7. THE DOUBLE DOWN METHOD – HHAANNUUKKKKAAHH

I only suggest this for those who don’t want to be penalized for missing any double letter opportunities. Of course, doubling down on an already superfluous “double-k” is not always an elegant gesture. I also only suggest this for those who have lots of time on their hands.

8. THE HAIKU-NAKAH METHOD:

HAPPY CHANUKAH / MAY THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS / BRING YOU LOTS OF JOY

As a frequent haiku dabbler, I do like this one a little. Yes, it’s somewhat impractical, yet how practical is haiku?

For example, if someone wishes you Happy Chanukah, just respond with, “Happy Chanukah. May the festival of lights / bring you lots of joy.”

It’s all in the pacing of your delivery.

After all, some say po-TA-to, and some eat latkes while reciting haiku.

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That concludes this Thursday’s Top 10 list; if you have any observations or suggestions for future lists, please comment below or email me via Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com.

Matthew J. (call him Matt) Goldberg will be presenting a Jewish-style Top Ten list every Thursday on www.jewocity.com. Please send feedback or suggestions to Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com.

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